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“Sometimes you have to stop thinking so much and go where your heart takes you.” My favorite quote. It speaks so much to what I am going through. I could think of so many questions and second guess everything, but I am trying not to. I care about you, and I know you care about me. That’s all that matters. We will get through tough times and time apart. You still care about me at this point and you have seen how complicated I am. I am doing my best to let my heart do the decision making. I know I over complicate everything in my head, but you have taught me that’s not the way it should be. Just go with the flow and things will turn out how it should be. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
My new goal is to trust. I know that if I don’t trust you and don’t let you in, I will lose you. I need to move on; let go of the past. You are not the people from my past who have hurt me. Just because they left, doesn’t mean that you will. I need to let go of the past and stop fearing the pain I felt. I can’t take out my trust problems on you because of people in the past. I can’t live my life in fear of getting hurt. There are so many opportunities I would miss out on, like being with you. Normally at this stage, when I feel myself getting too close to someone, I push them away. With you, I think it would hurt more to push you away so I am going to try my best to trust you. I’m not used to caring about people as much as I care about you. Now is the only time to make this decision because I know if I don’t do this now, I will push you away. Now is the time to let you into my heart.
But if you’re always looking for reasons not to be with somebody, and you always find ‘em, then I guess at some point maybe you should let go and give your heart what it deserves
It’s kinda hard to put into words what I feel for you. I like you more than I’ve liked anyone. That scares the shit out of me. I’m sorry I don’t trust you not to hurt me, don’t take it personally. I don’t trust anyone. I’m sorry that every time you so much as don’t answer a text I jump right to the conclusion that you don’t like me anymore and we’re done.I am just always expecting everyone to pack up and leave. I’m sorry that I’m scared, to be with you or without you. I try to see things from your point of view, you probably don’t trust people either. I wish we were a little more open with how we feel, but I don’t think right now I’m ready for you to know how much I like you. We have been seeing each other exclusively, but not boyfriend/girlfriend for like 5 months. I should trust you. I just want to, need to see you. To be in your arms, to be close to you. I know you say you care about me, and deep down in myself, I know its the truth, I just wish I knew how to let you in. I have come a long way and maybe slowly I will be able to let you hold all of my heart. I warned you I was complicated. I am so happy you aren’t leaving but at the same time it scares the shit out of me. I hope I can see you this weekend. I’m sorry I push everyone away. I wish that my past hadn’t fucked me up so much